Have you all seen this vine(https://vine.co/v/OvV1WMBqKVj)? My future brother-in-law sent us siblings this video via text and I cried laughing. He talked about how he was nearing the finish line for finals and barley making it. As much as that video made me laugh its my reality too. I have been juggling quite a lot. I’ve been feeling like my dreams are too lofty. My goals are too high. How will I ever accomplish these things? Its that place where you want to pursue your dreams but you have hit a wall or “writers block” of sorts.
The kid in the video wanted to stop. He did for a second but he kept going anyways. He did not stop! I think the same needs to ring true for our generation on many levels. We must press on towards our dreams and goals but with all this talk about equality, justice, and change, we must be ready to do the hard work. Change does not come easy. We will be uncomfortable, we will get tired, we will want to give up, but if we want to make a difference for our children, we have to suck it up and not just write about it on Facebook. We have to get to work. Getting to work looks different for each person. Maybe you need to finish college? Maybe you need to write a letter to your state representative? Maybe you need to find out who your state representative is?Maybe you join an advocacy group? Maybe you need to go to law school or become a doctor? Maybe you need to invest in your children or husband? Maybe you need to start a business/non-profit? Maybe you need to write a book? Maybe you need to get your Masters degree? I digress.
The hard truth is, it takes work to see change happen. If you believe you are called to step up and be apart of bringing any type of change/influence to your home or community, it will require work and sacrifice. Bottom line. It will mean saying no to hanging out with friends, No to that vacation in the middle of finals that you haven’t studied for, No to going to the movies, just plain old NO. When you are endeavoring to do something great or out of the ordinary, you can’t let FOMO [Fear of Missing Out] get in the way of your progress. FOMO will prevent you from making progress. It will hinder you.
Doubt and fear is your enemy. They never want you to win. In fact, against them you stand no chance when you give into their lies. To “them” figuratively, you will never be great. You will never have a good job. You will never reach your financial goals. You will NEVER. You will NEVER because you aren’t good enough, brave enough, strong enough, smart enough, or capable enough. You don’t have what it takes. You have no connections. You have no money. You don’t have the tools necessary to succeed. You will FAIL and they know that will be true the minute you decide to wallow in their lies.
Doubt and Fear, how I hate you. I hate you because I give into your lies sometimes. I question my abilities and I stop working hard because you tell me I CAN’T and I WON’T and sometimes let myself slip; I start to believe you.
To my friends writing/speaking/listening on the front lines about racial tension and trying to be apart of the solution: I applaud you, please keep fighting. To my friends starting non-profits/business/etsy shops/etc. keep going, keep designing, keep networking. To the mommies and daddies getting little sleep and making a sacrifice so this next generation can be graced with a child who has character and integrity, thank you. We are all working hard together. Now is not the time to get relaxed. Now is not the time to stop dreaming. Now is not the time to say “maybe one day”. Its time to hit the gas, not press the break.
Don’t let logic get in the way of doing something you have never done before. In the words of Nike: Just Do It.
I decided to interview a few of my friends about who they are and their dreams. My first dreamer that I will be featuring is a great friend, Ryan Cirkles.
What were your childhood dreams for your adult life?
It would be easier to give a list of things I didn’t dream of becoming. In my formative years I cycled through desires of being a professional in just about every part of the sports world. My formative years would prove to be inadequate in their production, leaving me far too small to continue in this path. Adolescence would see me delve into passions including, but not limited to, roller coaster design, the culinary arts, and crime scene detective.
Now that you are an adult, are you childhood dreams close to your life now? What do you do professionally? Or are you a Student?
I’m not sure my life could be further from what I dreamed. I am not a star in any sense. You won’t see me on ESPN any time soon. I don’t solve crimes. (At least, not as my day job. I’m pretty impressive when it comes to detective shows on Netflix).
Am I bummed? Not a bit. Life has a way of leading you to something that matters. When I truly surrendered to Jesus as Lord, He showed me that a life given to others was far more satisfying. He would know. I’m in full-time ministry and plan to be, in some capacity, for the rest of my life.
What are you passionate about?
I love seeing people encounter the heart of the Father God. My entire life my dreams, my focus, and my perspective – changed when I first heard the words, “I believe in you.” That love cannot be stopped. A person shown that love is empowered beyond rational thought.
The love of the Father says, “Nothing you can do can change what I know about you and nothing I know about you can change what I still see in you.” I will give my life to propagate this love to every person, place, or space that I have the privilege of knowing.
Are there any particular causes or issues you desire to or currently advocate for?
I want all people to come to know the Father’s love. I believe that one of the most effective ways is for people to know the love of A father. I long to see all spiritual and natural orphans find a family. In whatever way I can, whether through prayer, finances, taking part in adoption personally, or as Jesus opens opportunities for personal involvement in these areas, I will give my life to adoption because I believe it is the Father’s plan.
Is it hard to keep believing in your dream when you don’t see any results?
A dream, unfortunately, is ultimately birthed out of a desired end. It can take us a while to realize that the real enjoyment is in the means to that end. Those means take a lot of trust. In our minds we don’t see results, but the only result that we would recognize is the finished product.
God drops a dream into a person’s heart. He shows us a glimpse. He uploads his passion and compassion for this idea, project, or Kingdom reality into us. He shows us the end, but we assume that this sneak peak IS the dream. In reality, He’s building and accomplishing the dream in us daily. He holds the blueprints. We only saw the artist’s rendering of the finished copy.
This is why we write down the end goal. We make the vision plain. We write every note that he whispers about that dream as time goes by. We’ll see as we look back at these steps and moments that there was NEVER a time that He wasn’t working on our behalf. We’ll learn that, just as it was His dream to begin with, it was His dream to work in us, not ours to build alone.
Describe the moment you knew without a shadow of a doubt that this (whatever your “this” is) was what you were born to do.
God had really been taking me on a journey through the idea and identity of sonship in my first year as a student at Texas Bible Institute. He had so affirmed me as His son. I knew that He would always be everything I would need. I felt safe. I was taken care of. I could not step out of His love. I could not change what Jesus had done. I was at an event, surrounded by 2 or 3 young men that I had really grown to love and believe in. We were worshiping and as I looked at them I believe I heard the Holy Spirit speak clearly, “You will make copies.” I would love to say that in an act of great obedience that I high-tailed it to the nearest Kinko’s, but my fervor was still growing.
This was a good thing because, as it turned out, God wasn’t wanting me to make copies in a literal since. He began to show me that this identity I’d grown so strong in was His heart for everyone. He wanted me to duplicate this in others. I would give them the truth of sonship and, as a result, I would learn to be a Father.
What does it mean for you to intentionally live your life for Christ?
“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand.2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.(Philippians 3:1-3 NLT)”
It is important to note, when you have decided to surrender your life to Christ, that your life is no longer of earthly import. This should not cause sorrow. It is not that a person’s life no longer matters. On the contrary, the effect of that life has increased in innumerable measure. That life has been ridden of vane, shallow meaning and has been opened to eternal purpose. How does this relate to daily life?
“14 Either way, Christ’s love controls us.[c] Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.[d] 15 He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.16 So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.(2 Corinthians 5:14-16 NLT)”
Christ has been revealed to me. Everything has changed. I know that there is more now. It is my job to allow the Holy Spirit to continually point all I do and every person I see to Jesus. Everything is now spiritual in some context. This isn’t an extra burden to add to our mental checklist. It isn’t our responsibility. It is the privilege that Jesus Himself invites us into. It is His work. He asks us to join in and see miracles on a DAILY basis, “not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit.(Zechariah 4:6)
Ryan has been faithfully serving in church ministry for 12 years. Ryan is a worship leader and operations manager at Believers World Outreach Church in Katy, Texas, as well as an aspiring Netflix sleuth, citing BBC’s Sherlock as the bulk of his experience in the field. He has dedicated his life to seeing people come to know the love of the Father God that he has so gratefully received himself. He also has a strong desire to visit Iceland. Who wouldn’t?
Follow Ryan on Twitter and Instagram: @cirkles
Everyone has dreams. What are yours? Comment below!
I’ve found that since our culture has changed and we have said that “chivalry is dead” sometimes we as women don’t know how to accept genuine kindness from a man without thinking he has ulterior motives. I mean, I struggle with letting a man open the door before I shove it open internally stating, “I am woman, my hands aren’t broken, I can get the door, thank you.” When I am with my guy friends I have to remind myself to let them be kind. I have been wondering what my issue is? Why is it so hard for me to accept genuine kindness from a man? These are the questions I ask myself.
[small rant about my own personal immaturity]
Let’s face it. All the christian purity conferences ruined me. They talked about how a man should be intentional and how we shouldn’t date around. They talked about the importance of friendship before a relationship, all great things but if the context isn’t taught correctly, then we have to “re-teach” ourselves about fostering healthy relationships. I found it was hard to have a meaningful friendship with the opposite sex without assuming that maybe-possibly-kind of-there could-be-or-may-never-be-something-romantic there. I eventually got annoyed that mentally my guy friends move to potential husband candidates because we were “building a friendship ” I mean, how was I supposed to know their intentions otherwise since they were never verbalized but subtly expressed in moments? Most likely we would be friends,scope each other out, “pray about it” and live in a gray area for a while before any action or no action at all was taken. I misunderstood a guy flirting for a guy being truly interested. Let’s face it. People flirt all the time. Thus, this stupid confusing way of being a Christian and honoring the Lord through vague friendships with the opposite sex [and wondering if there was something more because the only glimpse of a deeper relationship was occasional flirting] became really confusing and weird. This is when I had to put my brothers advice to the test (My brother told me, “If a guy didn’t tell you he likes you, then never assume that he does.”). Guys weren’t being forthright about their intentions. They were playing games. I didn’t understand why some guys wouldn’t open their mouth and say “hey I like you, I would love to get to know you better, can we go out sometime?” I understand it’s hard and guys don’t want to be rejected. Just a hint men, if you ask a girl out on a date, most likely she will say yes.
But back to men and chivalry.
For example: if a guy friend buys you a gift, that doesn’t mean he likes you. It simply means he is being nice. My brother gave me the best advice ever. “If a guy didn’t tell you he likes you, then never assume that he does.”
If a guy buys your dinner while out with friends or if you two are just hanging out, you don’t need to go pray and ask God if that is your husband. He was just being nice.
The problem we (I) have is that we can’t accept genuine kindness from a man without assuming that he has bad intentions toward us. Some men are kind and honest. Some men want to be friends only. Some men want to be more than our friend and those men will pursue us. We need to learn to trust more and worry less.
Trust me, I struggle with this. I have had guy friends show me genuine chivalry by opening my car door, paying for dinner, driving out to see me, and they only looked at me as a friend. Guess what people? Because I did not have a healthy view of chivalry there were times that I thought my guy friends must have liked me. However, I took my brother’s advice and remembered not to make assumptions about a guy’s feelings towards me in a romantic way. Can I just tell you that none of these guys ever told me they liked me. They were just interested in treating me well and being my friend. The sad thing is, I’m not used to any men besides my family being a gentleman. So when a man is kind, caring, and thoughtful, I assume they want something from me. In my stubbornness, I can project the vibe that I am not grateful for their kindness towards me, when 85% of the time I am truly thankful and humbled by genuine kindness.
I think in our fear of being betrayed or allowing ourselves to be smooth talked by a guy, we start in the defense every time. We assume that a man who approaches us has other intentions. We assume that.
This perspective that they are “all the same” is dangerous. Just because a guy is kind to you doesn’t mean he likes you. Or if he is interested in you it doesn’t mean that he is trying to manipulate you by being kind. It can simply mean he is being kind. My guy friends have told me how hard it is to be a gentlemen to women nowadays because we can be so abrasive. I think we need to be more mindful of how we treat men because the very man we are sitting around praying for (or complaining about) could be right in front of us.
Let men be gentleman and let’s learn to accept their kindness without proving that we can do it all on our own. Men know we can open the door or carry our own suitcase but if they want to display kindness, let them be men. There are still good men out there.
Somehow breaking my shoe, broke something inside of me.
[God speaks to me in the oddest ways so just keep reading]
As weird as that sounds, my last blog revealed what I’ve been struggling with, and I’ve been dead set on showing up in my life. I’ve been set on being present and not shrinking back when I make a mistake. I’ve been set on showing myself mercy instead of criticism. I’ve been set on choosing joy instead of wallowing in sadness. I’ve been learning that comparison will fail me every time. However,the one thing I’ve been trying to learn forever, is how to except and believe that I am beautiful. I wanted to really see it all the time. I wanted to see what people see in me.
Can I tell you something?
My idea of beauty is not what true beauty is. I’ve felt like beauty equates to women who seem to have their “hair done, nails done, and everything did” I am not that girl. While I enjoy dressing cute, I don’t wear heels all the time. I would rather wear flats. I’m not the chick that needs to be perfectly put together every time I step foot out of my house. I’ve considered myself the “girl next door” in looks. Not drop dead gorgeous but good looking. Still, in spite of feeling beautiful when people tell me or looking in the mirror and thinking, “okay today you look alright”, I had yet to get it for myself. Don’t get me wrong people, I’ve been working on this area of my life. It has not been neglected. I have a plethora of Christian books about beauty and purity to supply a whole youth ministry. Somehow I still missed the point.
Today, I was almost at my job (I have to walk about .25 miles to my actual office from my car) and I hear a tearing noise. My worst fear was happening. I stopped. Looked at my shoe and thought okay it’s fine. I Looked back up, took one more step, and then the strap on my shoe broke. Now I was faced with the problem of walking really weird all the way to my office. My shoes were making that awful scuffing noise and I was trying to hold them together. I tried taping them at my desk and that failed. I managed to get through the day scuffing my way through the office while my shoe was held up by a binder clip.
Yes, I know, so tacky but I was desperate. Feeling confident about my contraption I decided to walk back to my car with my binder clip shoe on. I seemingly fixed the problem right? So why should I worry? I cross the street no problem, than I get to the sidewalk and immediately my shoe falls apart again. By now, This is when the light bulbs start going off in my head, I realized that I could work really hard to hold something together and scuff my way through it. I could walk around trying to blend in and make sure no one knew my shoe was falling apart. Or I could just take my shoes off and stop pretending that they aren’t broken.
When I took my physical shoes off, my mental shoes and blinders came off too. All the sudden the way I wanted to feel about my value and worth was clear because I changed my perspective. I wasn’t worried about being put together. I wasn’t comparing myself to those with their shoes on or how nice or expensive they were. I was enjoying my freedom. My feet were touching the unsanitary heat-filled concrete. And with every step on the .25 mile walk to my car, a little piece of self-doubt vanished. I got home looked at myself in the mirror and I could finally see what everyone else sees.
Hopefully it won’t take you breaking your shoes to get a breakthrough like I did! I have no clue how these revelations come to me and bring me freedom but God knows how to speak to me.
Here’s a little poem I wrote about beauty:
Beauty beauty I want to be you Easily desired And easily pursued They told me what your made of And I’m buying all the ingredients But when I dress up like you I don’t get the same results You get love I get side hugs Measuring up to you and Proverbs 31 is much too hard I’m not sure all I am is all of what you are Then again maybe I’ve been given the wrong ingredients I got my recipe from magazines,TV, men, and music They have got you all wrong You are strong You are brave You are wise You are lovely Yet, somehow you were belittled to looks only If beauty was just looks, we would be in trouble There would be no room for Intellect Character And integrity All of which encompass beauty A Beauty that exists everywhere A Beauty that is seen A Beauty that is heard A Beauty that is adored A Beauty that is roared from the smallest soul to the oldest I am beauty and so are you Roar Beauty Roar
Sometimes I question who I am because of all the negative words you have whispered.
Somedays I am brave.
Somedays I feel like I can’t speak over a whisper.
Sometimes I wonder if I am beautiful, you told me that I wasn’t.
When I start to feel strength and confidence you come again and whisper what I am not.
I thought I was over you.
I thought I overcame this.
I thought I was smarter than this.
I know better than to believe you.
Yet, I subtly I begin agreeing with you, over and over again.
I accept the criticism and sometimes I believe it.
My agreement with small lies attacking my destiny has hindered my creativity.
It has hindered my love for music and writing.
It has left me feeling empty at times.
It has caused me to feel depressed before; Yes, I let you do this to me.
I let you in.
Why did I do that?
You have only caused me pain.
You constantly fight to kill my dreams.
You remind me that I am not worth fighting for.
You remind me of who I am not.
I’ve become my own worst critic.
Today is a new day.
Today is the day I say no more.
I will fight your whispers and lies.
I will fight.
With tears in my eyes.
I will fight.
I will love.
I will dream.
I will challenge others to dream.
I will be honest.
I will show up.
I will be authentic.
I may struggle and I may fall.
I will get up every single time.
I will say the best about myself.
I will believe the best about myself.
Because I am worth loving and being loved.
I am worthy of love and belonging.
I know I am.
It is time I believed it.
It’s time I see what other people see in me.
It’s about time I stop believing you for good this time.
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9
I have spent the past two weeks pretty angry and disappointed. I would be lying if I told you the things going on in Ferguson did not affect me in someway. I have read a lot of blog posts coming from different angles, I have researched and watched lectures from professionals on the subject of racial reconciliation, and I have had open conversations with some of my Caucasian friends. I have prayed and cried about this situation in Ferguson and the national issue of racism. Wether we like to admit it or not, racism still exists. Not all white people are racist, it would be very ignorant to make such a broad assumption and accusation.
Privilege refers to the idea that in human society, some groups benefit from unearned, largely-unacknowledged advantages that increase their power relative to that of others, thereby perpetuating social inequality
Some, Caucasian people may not have viewed themselves privileged or that they are afforded certain opportunities based on the color of their skin. Honestly, what I have gathered from conversations with my white friends, is that sometimes they don’t think about being a “White privileged american”. When you are a majority you may not have the needs of the minority on the forefront of your mind.
My parents did not teach me to fear white people, some of my closest friends are white. I did not begin to feel a little fear until Ferguson happened. Seeing all the hate out there and passive aggressive racism caused me to wonder who was around me that thought of me that way because of my color? Were there people in my life that harbored hate like that? People that felt I was an exception to “those black people” when in fact the “those people” are MY people. I became suspicious of white people-waiting for someone to change on me. I got concerned for my older brother who is over 6 ft. tall and a broad built black male. He has a heart of gold but people wouldn’t be able to tell that if they looked at him. They could think he is a thug instead of a successful college graduate. What if he wears a hoddie or a big shirt on his days off work? Will they suspect him of mischief?
I get that people who are not minorities may not understand this perspective. I am not asking for understanding as much as I am pleading for you to listen. That is it.
I could focus on dissecting all of the hateful postings and blogs I have seen but that would be counter productive because hateful people are everywhere and I encounter them everyday. That will not go away. I had to let myself research and come to a place of peace and balance about the situation in Ferguson along with the killings of other unarmed black men, as well as, the issue of institutionalized racism. There are a lot of moving parts in this discussion and I may elaborate more in a different post.
What I really want to discuss is the racial divide in the church. I know I am about to discuss a “hush hush” matter but more of us need to talk about it. People must understand that the history of African-American culture is rooted in oppression. Although we would like to think that we have made a lot of progress, we have to an extent, there is still a lot to be done. We must be willing to openly talk about race and racial issues in order to really move forward. There is an elephant in the room- like it or not and until we stop passing over it or walking by it silently, we will not see change. We will be back in this spot in a few years.The comments I have seen on the internet let me know that racism is not dead, in fact, it just took on a new form. Nowadays, talking about race makes people tense and everyone comes to the table with their own inhibitions and preconceived ideas of what the other person plans to say. So instead of having hard conversations and breaking down racial divide, we don’t at all. A lack of communication makes the divide grow and before we know it we have accepted passive aggressive racism. I believe the African-American community wants people to listen.
Matt Chandler says this best: “What is so deceptive about white privilege is that it is different from blatant racism or bias. A privileged person’s heart may be free from racist thoughts or biased attitudes, but may still fail to see how the very privilege afforded to him or her shapes how he or she interprets and understands the situations and circumstances of people without privilege.”
We have allowed the media to feed into a racial divide. We would all be gravely missing the point if it was not evident that we need to have racial reconciliation in the church. It needs to happen. When was the last time you looked around your church and wondered why everyone else looked like you? This goes both ways, for predominately black churches and white churches. “Ninety percent of African-American Christians worship in all-black churches. Ninety percent of white American Christians worship in all-white churches,” said Chris Rice, coauthor of More Than Equals: Racial Healing for the Sake of the Gospel. “…Years since the incredible victories of the civil rights movement, we continue to live in the trajectory of racial fragmentation. The biggest problem is that we don’t see that as a problem.” I think the shooting of Michael Brown brought up deeper seething issues about race. Any group that experiences systemic oppression for a time will come to a point to where they can tolerate it no more. It takes work on all sides to dismantle institutionalized racism. If you are content with your multicultural workshops at your job, fine, but it goes far beyond that. We must be willing to talk and learn about one another in order to break down barriers.
Tell me this, if you have no black friends ( I am not talking about people you are associated with and hang out with every now and then) then where do you get your ideas and perceptions about black people? Do you make them up? Are they from the media? We cannot grow and move forward without having hard conversations and uniting together to see change. There are several people uniting to see change happen and guess what? They are not all black. People of all races are uniting together to see change happen. I have noticed that it is much harder to organize change and promote change in the church. Why is this true? I did not experience real overt racism until I went to a CHRISTIAN college. It was evident that some people at my school only knew about black people from TV or the people they saw in the hall at school. Why are the Christians who support racial reconciliation and recognize that we have some real deep racial wounds and issues to deal with, harshly critized by the Christian comminuty? Do you have to be a liberal to agree that human life matters? To believe that something must be done about the clear racial divides in our nation? Are we denying that “white flight” and racism still exist? Researchers will tell you that it still exists. What needs to be said for people to WAKE UP and STAND UP and say NO MORE? If I read the Bible correctly, as Christians, we are brothers and sisters in Christ right? If we are, maybe we should start acting like it. Also, the fact that every Christian who speaks out about racism and Mike Brown, has to give a laundry list of disclaimers so that some of their Christian friends will know that they “believe in the police” & “don’t agree with looting”, so they don’t have to deal with a backlash of comments, is awful. As a Christian and African-American seeing posts from some of my Caucasian brothers and sisters is disheartening. We don’t have to agree for you to show compassion on a mourning community and parents that had to bury their son too soon. I get everyone has their beliefs but dismissing people’s pain and justifying a teen being shot over 6 times, because of an alleged theft, even though he reached a point of surrender, is cruel. I am posing a lot of questions because I don’t have all the answers. I want us to think about these issues together.
How can we unite together as a church? How can we break the walls of racial segregation in our local church? Let’s start opening up this conversation. Honestly until we are able to have healthy productive conversations where neither side is predicting what the other will say, maybe we can move forward. Until we come to the table and lay our swords and daggers down, nothing will change. Remember the church has always been in the thick of controversy. This situation should not be any different. I want to work with others that desire to see change in our communities and churches. I want us to unite together instead of focusing on tearing each other apart. I have found that social media makes it way to easy to let our typed our words be used as daggers to hurt one another. Can we try for once to evaluate our typed words as well as the ones spoken? They are just as powerful. I believe we will have to account for them too.
There are several things the African-American community is doing to actively better our communities around the U.S. and I pray these initiatives last and we see true change in my generation and the ones behind me. Despite having disadvantages that does not condone crime nor does it give people the right to murder over petty crime. This is a pivotal time for the African-American’s to see change in their communities and push for a well-balanced local government. What Antonio French is doing with #HealSTL and registering young people to vote is huge. I hope this situation has encouraged young people to find their voice and to understand that their voice matters and their lives matter. I hope this situation has awakened black youth and that they realize their true value to society. I believe in black youth.
Here is what I plan to do:
Join with other churches who will assist in providing relief and aid to the community/churches of Ferguson
Join a local organization that focuses on the empowerment/education of African-Americans in the community
Mentor African American Youth
Join in conversation with churches and individuals about racial reconciliation and be apart of building a bridge
Keep the conversation going: Silence will not bring about change
Growing up I did not focus on racial differences. I was taught to love people, all people. Even when injustice occurred around me, I was taught to stand strong. I love different cultures. My friends are very diverse. I love having friends of different cultures. There is so much I learn from our open conversations. If more people were open to talking, less hatred would exist today. Until you are open to talking to me about my culture and heritage in a kind manner, please do not expect me to be happy when I see comments that are clearly racist. It is hurtful and disappointing. I have cried enough over the senseless and hateful comments people have made about the black community. So I plead with you, come to the table ready to listen. I too am coming to the table with an open heart and an open mind.
I love being Black. I love my natural hair. I love my community. I am educated and I have a successful career. I vote and pay my taxes. I think we have some work and growing to do as a people but I will play a part in changing the narrative that has been written for African-American’s in the US. If you are reading this and you are working to bring reconciliation amongst your church, let’s talk together. I do not have all the answers but I want to hear from other people and church leaders actively seeking to unite their congregations.
Before leaving this blog post please watch this video:
In one of my previous blog posts I touched on my relationship with my mom. Feel free to read that one first and then come back to this post.
I have realized that Mom has to do with my whole life.
Mom laid down pursuing her dreams to awaken the dreamer in me.
Mom made $10,000 her first year as a single mother.
Mom worked part-time at Ann Taylor to support us while building her life-coaching business.
Mom served others.
Mom served me when I was so unworthy of her generosity.
Mom stayed strong when I was in pain.
Mom told me that I would influence this generation so many times that I actually believe her now.
Mom taught me life lessons I’ll never forget.
Mom never judged me and always welcomed me home with open arms when I made mistakes.
As an adult, Mom taught me to think on my own and make informed decisions.
Mom let me grow up and she let me have space to learn on my own.
Mom always stayed close by.
Mom is beautiful and taught me to love my beautiful brown face and hair. She would look me in the eyes and say, “You are a beautiful brown girl and I love you.”
Mom affirmed me, even when I went through a phase where I was convinced she did not love me.
Mom cheers me on and encourages me. My favorite quotes from her are: “You are Faitth with two t’s because you are unique and no one can be you” “Go for it my little trailblazer” “I love you princess” “My little fireball”
My mom would always correct me when needed but she was careful not to crush “my spirit.” I have a strong personality. I am opinionated, I talk a lot, I am animated and dramatic, I am passionate, there is not an introverted aspect to my personality at all, and I talk to strangers. I am the child that calls home to tell my mom about my passion for missions and at 20 years old I am leading a trip to Thailand with a bunch of college kids. I am the child that rides on an elephants neck in Thailand and feels alive, I am the child that said “I am not a girly girl” and kept up with everything my brother did, I am the child that would harbor sins of the heart and not overt disobedience. I am the child that made her get on her knees and pray a lot, I hurt her feelings several times, I made her cry several times, and I was a whole lot to handle. Somehow, she never spoke negatively about me. In fact, she told me how much she loved my bubbly personality and the fact that I could make the whole family laugh till they cried. She let me sing to my hearts content and encouraged me to write songs and pursue my love for music. If I was being disrespectful she would say, “Faitth you are very respectful.” She wasn’t saying it sarcastically either, she would call out greatness and eventually (sometimes years later) see the fruit of those confessions. My mom knew she was raising leaders. She would often pray over my brother and I “God don’t promote them to a place their character can’t keep them.” Her prayer was that our character would always be developed first before we were promoted to any position. This has remained her prayer and she has seen it answered time and time again.
When developing a relationship with my brother and I as adults, she completely switched gears from mommy to friend and guidance counselor. She still does mommy-like things but she lets me have freedom. I moved in with my mom after college and it was a little rough at first but my brother told me to stick it out. He literally had to tell me how good it was for me to have this time with my mom, I felt he was fooling me because he had roommates and that seemed more appealing. In the beginning I was counting down till our lease was up so I could move out. Well 2 and a half years later, we are still living together. Our only request to each other is to keep one another posted on our whereabouts, that’s it. She set up no rules for me- we are roommates. I pay my half and she pays hers. She will give suggestions laced with prayer and guidance; she has learned how to influence me as an adult. She is sneaky but it works.
We are so opposite. I will run around and stay busy at all times. My mom will stay home and read books and throw in occasional socialization. She reads probably one book a week. She is brilliant people. I mean brilliant. She is my opposite but I love it. I love introverts so much. It has taken me a while to understand you people but now I want to be your friend. Obviously it’s not surprising that half of my close friends are introverts. My mom is so calm that I get frazzled when I am surrounded by people that are easily stressed. She would always say “don’t sweat the small stuff Faitth.” She has learned all about who I am from living with me as an adult. She has learned that sometimes I want affection, other times I don’t want to be bothered at all (this is my “do not talk to me at all” mood), I want her to listen to my ranting social justice discussions(She is so gracious- I have a lot of these moments), I want us to watch a show together, I want to sleep in her bed because I had a hard day and I want her near by. She is always available. She lives her life like that for other people as well.
If I go through a break up I can expect ice cream girl talk at Chick-Fil-A. If I go on a road trip and I am tired she will talk to me most of the way. Sometimes she is just on the phone and we aren’t saying anything. She has prayer meetings with me and my friends( Jessica you know what that is all about! lol). She makes my friends her daughters. In fact my best friend Abby and my mom text each other, Ha. It is the funniest thing ever. She is present and her presence gives me confidence. So mom you should write a book on parenting because being an African-American homeschool mother with her Masters Degree in Christian counseling, creating your own high school transcripts for your homeschooled kids that went onto graduate from college and begin successful careers. Raising two children that adore you- is pretty rare these days. People need your voice.
I could go on and on about how my mother’s influence has changed my life. In the teenage years a lot of times girls disconnect with their mothers because we see things about our mom’s that we don’t want to be. Little do we know, years later we will take on some of those character traits that we loathed (Trust me mom’s you will get a laugh when this happens). We will realize that we need you and holding you at bay is not productive. Give us time mom’s. We will come around.