**So I was searching my drafts, I have over 20 blogs sitting around that I’ve never published. I’m not sure why I didn’t publish this one two years ago. Maybe I felt it was too vulnerable, I’m not sure. But I love the raw honesty so I figured this was a great blog to share with you all, today.**
Dear “Supermodel” Me,
First off let me tell you how hard I am working to measure up to you. Its pretty tough. You have set a huge standard that I am hoping I will measure up to. Your slim body, flawless skin, gorgeous face, are truly something to behold. With a body like yours, you receive plenty of attention and praise from men. You are so desirable, who doesn’t love you? Your fashion is impeccable. You are everything I am not.
There is just one problem.
I can’t be you.
Somedays, I desperately want to be you. I want to get the attention you do. I want to be desired like you are. As much as I want those things, I want my sanity more. No matter how much I run, eat right, or dress well, I won’t be you. I will look in the mirror and have a choice to make- love my self or belittle myself. It seems almost sad that I compare myself to my imaginary supermodel self. Since I have grown up as a “good church girl”, one would wonder why I desire to be you, when God loves me as I am. This is where reality meets a mask and honestly, this talk is long overdue. I compare myself to you and all your “supermodel” friends that guys seem to swoon over often. I take one good look at myself and wonder if these passions, heart, and vision are enough? They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and sometimes I doubt if my beauty is beheld at all.
Here’s the thing. I am tired. I am tired of chasing after you and hiding in your shadow. My pursuit of your perfection leaves me settling time and time again. Let’s face it, this is too risky. I trade my emotional stability to play a game I will never win. This is tiring. I would be remiss if I thought it was just girls playing this game because along the way I have seen a few guys join in too. Wondering if they are tall enough, wise enough, handsome enough, make enough money, or are worthy to be desired. It’s a problem many of us struggle with-men and women. This is a problem that will change when I decide to change it and talk about it. Sure I may slip up and compare myself to you again but deep down inside I will hang on to the truth.
I am enough.
Supermodel Me, this is so hard to write for the world to see but it’s time I called you out. I have some big dreams and living in your shadow won’t get me to my desired destination. When someone says I am beautiful, I want to believe them 365 days of the year. Instead of dismissing the words spoken over me.
We are all enough. Just the way we are.