As a kid I was too busy trying to fit in. Trying to be white. Trying to reject my culture. I got my relaxers in hopes that my hair would move and shake like my white friends. I was called a “black white girl” and for years I was proud of that. I fit in. I was the exception to the their perception of black people. I was black but not one of “them” (the black people everyone is “scared” of). I made it a point to say that I was embarrassed when a black person was being “too loud” or “doing the most”. I wanted so desperately to be accepted that as a kid I tried to reject my culture. I was “In” and “they” (the ghetto black people) were out. Somehow, white people loved me and I celebrated that. When I got to college, I was rudely awakened to the fact that white people thought I was some anomaly. I realized, being told I was a “black white girl” was an insult. A way to say I am just good enough to fit in and be accepted by white people. I’m sure they didn’t mean it that way, or at least I hope they didn’t, but it hurt. I could count the number of black girls on our campus with my two hands. Over time we got more black girls but truth be told, I found my people in college. I realized we needed to stick together. I made white friends too but my friendship with black people became life giving. We had common ground and didn’t need to search for it. Today, I celebrate my blackness, my culture, my hair, my people.
Wether you choose to acknowledge it or not, people of color know that society believes white is better. Just look at this video.
My dearest and best friends are white and we have had some hard conversations about the things going on in our nation. Let me tell you, it’s not easy for me to truly share how it feels to be a black face in a white place. We adapt to white culture daily. I cannot tell you how hurtful it is to see hateful comments about black people and how “unruly” we are. Seeing comments that justify Dajerria Becton being slammed on the ground by a cop because she “mouthed off”, yet a 21-year-old white male gets a pass and sympathy after he brutally murders 9 people. I am baffled by this.
I am convinced the only way true change will happen is when people allow the love of God to fill their hearts and minds, as well as, open dialogue and education about racial disparities. If you don’t believe in God, I still believe that everyone has a conscience and can support and advocate for humanity. Simply because it’s awful to let hate fill your heart. We can lobby for a change in legislation but that will not change the hearts of men. The hearts of men like Dylan who wanted to start a race war. Only God can change hearts. I’ve been doing a lot of self-examination because this stuff is hard to digest and process. I think if more people tried to self evaluate and open up their perspective to see where people of color are coming from, then maybe more hearts would join in unity. That may be a long shot but I am hoping it can happen.
We just want to have equal rights. Dylan gets a trial but what about Eric Garner? What about Michael Brown? John Crawford III? Ezell Ford? Dante Parker? Tanisha Anderson?Akai Gurley? Jerame Reid? Walter Scott? Freddie Gray? Their fate was decided by a police officer not a judge or jury. None of them got a chance to set foot in court. They just got killed. Dylan kills 9 people and they escort him to the car with a bullet proof vest on. If you don’t understand why black people are crying out for justice then you are choosing not to see. It’s plain and clear. America needs to change.
I will speak out and call out injustice because we aren’t yelling loud enough yet. Some people stopped using blatant racist rhetoric because it became unacceptable but the same language strategically morphed into political rhetoric. The media has made it seem like people of color are lazy and stealing all of the government assistance money and don’t work but guess what? U.S. Department of Agriculture data from 2013, which administers welfare, 40.2 percent of SNAP recipients are white, 25.7 percent are Black, 10.3 percent are Hispanic, 2.1 percent are Asian and 1.2 percent are Native American. If you don’t believe me watch this documentary by Tim Wise, it’s free, you have no excuses, watch it.
We will not be silent. #BlackLivesMatter