I am a runner…..

I am a runner

No, I’m not talking about fitness, although I do love a good run, I am talking about being an emotional runner. When life happens and it feels like too much, I run away. My first instinct is to get out of dodge. Avoid the situation at all costs. As a child, I asked my mom to send me away, fly me somewhere, NOW. I had to get away immediately. This is not a healthy habit however it’s something my mom has been trying to help me overcome since I was a child. She did not enable me in my need to run but sometimes she allowed it, if she could see that I would learn from it.
As an adult now, I’ve tried not to run from things or my problems but sometimes I still do. If I am hurt deeply by someone who meant something to me, I don’t want to be in their presence. I want to avoid them at all costs. This is a weak area in my life.

Running doesn’t solve my problems but sometimes in my running I find pit stops along the way that offer healing. Little do I know, these little pit stops involve people who offer love and wisdom and encourage me in my time of wandering.

At some point it’s like I hit the end of the road and I’m done with my run. The pain is gone, I’m done crying, and the person(s) who deeply hurt me are no longer hard to see or be around. My heart is healed and I’m ready to run back to where I came from because before I thought I wouldn’t make it and now I realize that I was strong enough the whole time.

I guess if you’re gonna run from something you should at least learn from it. If you run and still don’t grow or find healing, you’ll never reach the end of the road, you’ll just keep running, and there’s no freedom in that. There’s something liberating about looking at the person who hurt you in the eye and without a word know “I’m not hurt anymore. I’m not allowing what happened between us to keep me trapped. I’m moving on.” Words don’t need to be exchanged but oh sweet victory when you realize you are strong enough to face your giants. You did it my friend, you did it.

I try not to run anymore but if I do, I’ll always run back to where I came from. I won’t let fear keep me from coming back “home”. I’ll show up even if I take the long way around. I’ll be back.

If your a runner like me, I hope you’ll find your way back “home” to your sweet spot, the place where you truly belong and when you get there, know that you are better for coming back rather than spending your time running aimlessly.

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