I thought I was over you.

Somedays your words leave me crying at night.

Sometimes I question who I am because of all the negative words you have whispered.

Somedays I am brave.

Somedays I feel like I can’t speak over a whisper.

Sometimes I wonder if I am beautiful, you told me that I wasn’t.

When I start to feel strength and confidence you come again and whisper what I am not.

I thought I was over you.

I thought I overcame this.

I thought I was smarter than this.

I know better than to believe you.

Yet, I subtly I begin agreeing with you, over and over again.

I accept the criticism and sometimes I believe it.

My agreement with small lies attacking my destiny has hindered my creativity.

It has hindered my love for music and writing.

It has left me feeling empty at times.

It has caused me to feel depressed before; Yes, I let you do this to me.

I let you in.

Why did I do that?

You have only caused me pain.

You constantly fight to kill my dreams.

You remind me that I am not worth fighting for.

You remind me of who I am not. 

I’ve become my own worst critic.

Today is a new day.

Today is the day I say no more.

I will fight your whispers and lies.

I will fight.

With tears in my eyes.

I will fight.

I will love.

I will dream.

I will challenge others to dream.

I will be honest.

I will show up.

I will be authentic.

I may struggle and I may fall.

I will get up every single time.

I will say the best about myself.

I will believe the best about myself.

Because I am worth loving and being loved. 

I am worthy of love and belonging.

I am.

I know I am.

It is time I believed it.

It’s time I see what other people see in me.

It’s about time I stop believing you for good this time.

 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9

Xoxo-FB

The Great Divide: How Do We Build A Bridge?

 

afterlight (1)

I have spent the past two weeks pretty angry and disappointed. I would be lying if I told you the things going on in Ferguson did not affect me in someway. I have read a lot of blog posts coming from different angles, I have researched and watched lectures from professionals on the subject of racial reconciliation, and I have had open conversations with some of my Caucasian friends. I have prayed and cried about this situation in Ferguson and the national issue of racism. Wether we like to admit it or not, racism still exists. Not all white people are racist, it would be very ignorant to make such a broad assumption and accusation.

 Privilege refers to the idea that in human society, some groups benefit from unearned, largely-unacknowledged advantages that increase their power relative to that of others, thereby perpetuating social inequality

Some, Caucasian people may not have viewed themselves privileged or that they are afforded certain opportunities based on the color of their skin. Honestly, what I have gathered from conversations with my white friends, is that sometimes they don’t think about being a “White privileged american”. When you are a majority you may not have the needs of the minority on the forefront of your mind.

My parents did not teach me to fear white people, some of my closest friends are white. I did not begin to feel a little fear until Ferguson happened. Seeing all the hate out there and passive aggressive racism caused me to wonder who was around me that thought of me that way because of my color? Were there people in my life that harbored hate like that? People that felt I was an exception to “those black people” when in fact the “those people” are MY people. I became suspicious of white people-waiting for someone to change on me. I got concerned for my older brother who is over 6 ft. tall and a broad built black male. He has a heart of gold but people wouldn’t be able to tell that if they looked at him. They could think he is a thug instead of a successful college graduate. What if he wears a hoddie or a big shirt on his days off work? Will they suspect him of mischief?

I get that people who are not minorities may not understand this perspective. I am not asking for understanding as much as I am pleading for you to listen. That is it.

I could focus on dissecting all of the hateful postings and blogs I have seen but that would be counter productive because hateful people are everywhere and I encounter them everyday. That will not go away. I had to let myself research and come to a place of peace and balance about the situation in Ferguson along with the killings of other unarmed black men, as well as, the issue of institutionalized racism. There are a lot of moving parts in this discussion and I may elaborate more in a different post.

What I really want to discuss is the racial divide in the church. I know I am about to discuss a “hush hush” matter but more of us need to talk about it. People must understand that the history of African-American culture is rooted in oppression. Although we would like to think that we have made a lot of progress, we have to an extent, there is still a lot to be done. We must be willing to openly talk about race and racial issues in order to really move forward. There is an elephant in the room- like it or not and until we stop passing over it or walking by it silently, we will not see change. We will be back in this spot in a few years.The comments I have seen on the internet let me know that racism is not dead, in fact, it just took on a new form. Nowadays, talking about race makes people tense and everyone comes to the table with their own inhibitions and preconceived ideas of what the other person plans to say. So instead of having hard conversations and breaking down racial divide, we don’t at all. A lack of communication makes the divide grow and before we know it we have accepted passive aggressive racism. I believe the African-American community wants people to listen.

Matt Chandler says this best: “What is so deceptive about white privilege is that it is different from blatant racism or bias. A privileged person’s heart may be free from racist thoughts or biased attitudes, but may still fail to see how the very privilege afforded to him or her shapes how he or she interprets and understands the situations and circumstances of people without privilege.”

We have allowed the media to feed into a racial divide. We would all be gravely missing the point if it was not evident that we need to have racial reconciliation in the church. It needs to happen. When was the last time you looked around your church and wondered why everyone else looked like you? This goes both ways, for predominately black churches and white churches. “Ninety percent of African-American Christians worship in all-black churches. Ninety percent of white American Christians worship in all-white churches,” said Chris Rice, coauthor of More Than Equals: Racial Healing for the Sake of the Gospel. “…Years since the incredible victories of the civil rights movement, we continue to live in the trajectory of racial fragmentation. The biggest problem is that we don’t see that as a problem.” I think the shooting of Michael Brown brought up deeper seething issues about race. Any group that experiences systemic oppression for a time will come to a point to where they can tolerate it no more. It takes work on all sides to dismantle institutionalized racism. If you are content with your multicultural workshops at your job, fine, but it goes far beyond that. We must be willing to talk and learn about one another in order to break down barriers.

Linda Brown (AP Photo)
                      Linda Brown (AP Photo)

Tell me this, if you have no black friends ( I am not talking about people you are associated with and hang out with every now and then) then where do you get your ideas and perceptions about black people? Do you make them up? Are they from the media? We cannot grow and move forward without having hard conversations and uniting together to see change. There are several people uniting to see change happen and guess what? They are not all black. People of all races are uniting together to see change happen. I have noticed that it is much harder to organize change and promote change in the church. Why is this true? I did not experience real overt racism until I went to a CHRISTIAN college. It was evident that some people at my school only knew about black people from TV or the people they saw in the hall at school. Why are the Christians who support racial reconciliation and recognize that we have some real deep racial wounds and issues to deal with, harshly critized by the Christian comminuty? Do you have to be a liberal to agree that human life matters? To believe that something must be done about the clear racial divides in our nation? Are we denying that “white flight” and racism still exist? Researchers will tell you that it still exists. What needs to be said for people to WAKE UP and STAND UP and say NO MORE? If I read the Bible correctly, as Christians, we are brothers and sisters in Christ right? If we are, maybe we should start acting like it. Also, the fact that every Christian who speaks out about racism and Mike Brown, has to give a laundry list of disclaimers so that some of their Christian friends will know that they “believe in the police” & “don’t agree with looting”, so they don’t have to deal with a backlash of comments, is awful. As a Christian and African-American seeing posts from some of my Caucasian brothers and sisters is disheartening. We don’t have to agree for you to show compassion on a mourning community and parents that had to bury their son too soon. I get everyone has their beliefs but dismissing people’s pain and justifying a teen being shot over 6 times, because of an alleged theft, even though he reached a point of surrender, is cruel. I am posing a lot of questions because I don’t have all the answers.  I want us to think about these issues together.

How can we unite together as a church? How can we break the walls of racial segregation in our local church? Let’s start opening up this conversation. Honestly until we are able to have healthy productive conversations where neither side is predicting what the other will say, maybe we can move forward. Until we come to the table and lay our swords and daggers down, nothing will change. Remember the church has always been in the thick of controversy. This situation should not be any different. I want to work with others that desire to see change in our communities and churches. I want us to unite together instead of focusing on tearing each other apart. I have found that social media makes it way to easy to let our typed our words be used as daggers to hurt one another. Can we try for once to evaluate our typed words as well as the ones spoken? They are just as powerful. I believe we will have to account for them too.

 (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)
(Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

There are several things the African-American community is doing to actively better our communities around the U.S. and I pray these initiatives last and we see true change in my generation and the ones behind me. Despite having disadvantages that does not condone crime nor does it give people the right to murder over petty crime. This is a pivotal time for the African-American’s to see change in their communities and push for a well-balanced local government. What Antonio French is doing with #HealSTL and registering young people to vote is huge. I hope this situation has encouraged young people to find their voice and to understand that their voice matters and their lives matter. I hope this situation has awakened black youth and that they realize their true value to society. I believe in black youth. 

Here is what I plan to do:

  • Join with other churches who will assist in providing relief and aid to the community/churches of Ferguson
  • Join a local organization that focuses on the empowerment/education of African-Americans in the community
  • Mentor African American Youth
  • Join in conversation with churches and individuals about racial reconciliation and be apart of building a bridge
  • Keep the conversation going: Silence will not bring about change

Growing up I did not focus on racial differences. I was taught to love people, all people. Even when injustice occurred around me, I was taught to stand strong. I love different cultures. My friends are very diverse. I love having friends of different cultures. There is so much I learn from our open conversations. If more people were open to talking, less hatred would exist today. Until you are open to talking to me about my culture and heritage in a kind manner, please do not expect me to be happy when I see comments that are clearly racist. It is hurtful and disappointing. I have cried enough over the senseless and hateful comments people have made about the black community. So I plead with you, come to the table ready to listen. I too am coming to the table with an open heart and an open mind.

I love being Black. I love my natural hair. I love my community. I am educated and I have a successful career. I vote and pay my taxes. I think we have some work and growing to do as a people but I will play a part in changing the narrative that has been written for African-American’s in the US. If you are reading this and you are working to bring reconciliation amongst your church, let’s talk together. I do not have all the answers but I want to hear from other people and church leaders actively seeking to unite their congregations.

Before leaving this blog post please watch this video:

 

Resources and articles I found helpful:

White Brother Shot Black Man

Kristen Howerton

Gospel Coalition

Matt Chandler 

Jennie Allen- To My White People

How To Deal With Racist Reactions to Ferguson

IS IT “GOODBYE EVANGELICALISM” OR “WE JOIN YOU IN YOUR SUFFERING”?

A Cop’s take on Ferguson

 

What’s Mom Got To Do With It?

image (5)

In one of my previous blog posts I touched on my relationship with my mom. Feel free to read that one first and then come back to this post.

I have realized that Mom has to do with my whole life.

  1. Mom laid down pursuing her dreams to awaken the dreamer in me.
  2. Mom made $10,000 her first year as a single mother.
  3. Mom worked part-time at Ann Taylor to support us while building her life-coaching business.
  4. Mom served others.
  5. Mom served me when I was so unworthy of her generosity.
  6. Mom stayed strong when I was in pain.
  7. Mom told me that I would influence this generation so many times that I actually believe her now.
  8. Mom taught me life lessons I’ll never forget.
  9. Mom never judged me and always welcomed me home with open arms when I made mistakes.
  10. As an adult, Mom taught me to think on my own and make informed decisions.
  11. Mom let me grow up and she let me have space to learn on my own.
  12. Mom always stayed close by.
  13. Mom is beautiful and taught me to love my beautiful brown face and hair. She would look me in the eyes and say, “You are a beautiful brown girl and I love you.”
  14. Mom affirmed me, even when I went through a phase where I was convinced she did not love me.
  15. Mom cheers me on and encourages me. My favorite quotes from her are: “You are Faitth with two t’s because you are unique and no one can be you” “Go for it my little trailblazer” “I love you princess” “My little fireball”
Yeah, she ran an half-marathon or maybe it was a full marathon...either way she ran a long distance.
Yeah, she ran an half-marathon or maybe it was a full marathon…either way she ran a long distance.

My mom would always correct me when needed but she was careful not to crush “my spirit.” I have a strong personality. I am opinionated, I talk a lot, I am animated and dramatic, I am passionate, there is not an introverted aspect to my personality at all, and I talk to strangers. I am the child that calls home to tell my mom about my passion for missions and at 20 years old I am leading a trip to Thailand with a bunch of college kids. I am the child that rides on an elephants neck in Thailand and feels alive, I am the child that said “I am not a girly girl” and kept up with everything my brother did, I am the child that would harbor sins of the heart and not overt disobedience. I am the child that made her get on her knees and pray a lot, I hurt her feelings several times, I made her cry several times, and I was a whole lot to handle. Somehow, she never spoke negatively about me. In fact, she told me how much she loved my bubbly personality and the fact that I could make the whole family laugh till they cried. She let me sing to my hearts content and encouraged me to write songs and pursue my love for music. If I was being disrespectful she would say, “Faitth you are very respectful.” She wasn’t saying it sarcastically either, she would call out greatness and eventually (sometimes years later) see the fruit of those confessions. My mom knew she was raising leaders. She would often pray over my brother and I “God don’t promote them to a place their character can’t keep them.” Her prayer was that our character would always be developed first before we were promoted to any position. This has remained her prayer and she has seen it answered time and time again.

When developing a relationship with my brother and I as adults, she completely switched gears from mommy to friend and guidance counselor. She still does mommy-like things but she lets me have freedom. I moved in with my mom after college and it was a little rough at first but my brother told me to stick it out. He literally had to tell me how good it was for me to have this time with my mom, I felt he was fooling me because he had roommates and that seemed more appealing. In the beginning I was counting down till our lease was up so I could move out. Well 2 and a half years later, we are still living together. Our only request to each other is to keep one another posted on our whereabouts, that’s it. She set up no rules for me- we are roommates. I pay my half and she pays hers. She will give suggestions laced with prayer and guidance; she has learned how to influence me as an adult. She is sneaky but it works.

My mom went skydiving with friends while I was in college.
My mom went skydiving with friends…isn’t she cute?

 We are so opposite. I will run around and stay busy at all times. My mom will stay home and read books and throw in occasional socialization. She reads probably one book a week. She is brilliant people. I mean brilliant. She is my opposite but I love it. I love introverts so much. It has taken me a while to understand you people but now I want to be your friend. Obviously it’s not surprising that half of my close friends are introverts. My mom is so calm that I get frazzled when I am surrounded by people that are easily stressed. She would always say “don’t sweat the small stuff Faitth.” She has learned all about who I am from living with me as an adult. She has learned that sometimes I want affection, other times I don’t want to be bothered at all (this is my “do not talk to me at all” mood), I want her to listen to my ranting social justice discussions(She is so gracious- I have a lot of these moments), I want us to watch a show together, I want to sleep in her bed because I had a hard day and I want her near by. She is always available. She lives her life like that for other people as well.

If I go through a break up I can expect ice cream girl talk at Chick-Fil-A. If I go on a road trip and I am tired she will talk to me most of the way. Sometimes she is just on the phone and we aren’t saying anything. She has prayer meetings with me and my friends( Jessica you know what that is all about! lol). She makes my friends her daughters. In fact my best friend Abby and my mom text each other, Ha. It is the funniest thing ever. She is present and her presence gives me confidence. So mom you should write a book on parenting because being an African-American homeschool mother with her Masters Degree in Christian counseling, creating your own high school transcripts for your homeschooled kids that went onto graduate from college and begin successful careers. Raising two children that adore you- is pretty rare these days. People need your voice.

Did you know my mom is a life coach, speaker, and author? :)
Did you know my mom is a life coach, speaker, and author? 🙂

I could go on and on about how my mother’s influence has changed my life. In the teenage years a lot of times girls disconnect with their mothers because we see things about our mom’s that we don’t want to be. Little do we know, years later we will take on some of those character traits that we loathed (Trust me mom’s you will get a laugh when this happens). We will realize that we need you and holding you at bay is not productive. Give us time mom’s. We will come around.

XOXO

signature-wordpress

 

 

Francine Pierson: facebook and website

 

How I got Interrupted.

interrupted_banner_300x250

I have been at an critical place in my young adult life. This book review will be a filled with my journey and how Jen Hatmaker’s books wrecked me.

I had spent a month in Rwanda in 2010 and a month in Thailand in 2011. Seeing the love for Christ people had overseas shook me. Their approach to engaging their community and their humility taught me how apathetic and bored I was with church as I knew it to be, yet while overseas I came alive. I loved the way they worshipped God. There was sincerity in it. In America we can just fake it and we get so wrapped up in our appearance that the whole idea of being real with our questions, doubts and concerns is so foreign. Its like we are all waiting for that outspoken person to name the elephant in the room. As if we are all on the edge of our seats, waiting for someone to ask, is this it? Is this what church is about? Can church be really simple like it is for the Rwandan people and the Thai people? These were some of my questions back then and they have lingered in my mind for years.

I have never come home from another country and not cried at least for a week because I am just so broken by all that I have experienced and I wonder what I am missing. I’ve never decided to dig deeper into those questions or really ask God those hard questions because I didn’t know where to start and lets be real- I felt crazy for having those questions. I was raised in church, ministry was my life but somehow it felt like I was missing the main point.

So lets fast-forward to April 2014 when things really changed. I read 7 by Jen Hatmaker. I had been following her blog for a year so naturally when my best friend says she has been crying and reading this book and I have to get it, I bought it the same day. She said oh you will love it. (Jenna and I are like hippie-Jesus loving free spirits that believe anything is possible. We used to sit in the children’s book section in the local bookstore and dream. Yep, we would let our imaginations go where only they could and believe that God could/would do something amazing. ) I had never read anything by an author that openly shared her wrestles and questions with life and church culture, as I knew it to be. As far as I knew, I only talked with a few friends in hopes that I wouldn’t be shunned for my thoughts on the “stuff” we do in church that has nothing to do with souls and Jesus. Most of what I was involved in was all about self-promotion and using that man made platform to build the kingdom. That is what I grew up seeing. In Jen’s book 7 she really digs deep into her transforming journey of letting go of excess and the pursuit of “stuff stuff stuff, more more more” and looking into how her family could change the course of their lives by pouring their finances and resources into things that actually matter. But really, 7 is just the sequel to her book Interrupted. Interrupted is the book I want to talk to you about.

I just gave you a super long intro but I really wanted to set the stage for this book. Reading 7 and interrupted led to the most impactful permutation in my young adult life.

 I will cover a few key areas that wrecked me while reading interrupted.

One major area I wrestled with was the churches responsibility to care for the hurting and broken. I knew that an occasional food drive was not really going to address the needs of the community. It had to start with us the church (the individuals). Jen explains it this way: “We don’t get to opt out of living on mission because we might not be appreciated. We’re not allowed to neglect the oppressed because we have reservations about their discernment. We cannot deny love because it might be despised or misunderstood. We can’t withhold social relief because we are not convinced it will be properly managed. We can’t project our advantaged perspective onto struggling people and expect results available only to the privileged. Must we be wise? Absolutely but doing nothing is a blatant sin of omission.”

I found myself on the cusp of ignoring the needs of the community, forgetting the life transforming moments overseas, and settling into my own world oblivious to the needs of those around me and depending on others to see the need and meet it, not me. The real question is why not me? Why not you? Why aren’t we engaging in our community. This simple wrestle is what Jen’s beautifully documents. It’s her journey from ministry and life as she knew it to God brining her husband and family into a “new thing” and ministry via community and building relationships and out of those relationships people coming to Christ. Allowing people to belong before expecting them to behave. Her journey is raw, exciting, and thought provoking. You really can’t read this book without asking yourself, what am I all about? When was the last time I spent time with my neighbor or served the poor not because I was looking to be thanked, but because I was purely interested in their world and serving them because they are human. They have life. They are family. Somehow, life became all about us and we won’t reach out to others if it is an inconvenience or if the people around us don’t look and act like us. Where did we adapt that attitude? Where did I adapt that attitude?

 Jen talks about movement and going when you feel God is leading you into a new thing

Jen states, “When we feel we are supposed to do something radical we can expect it to be misunderstood.” I am not sure what that looks like for you. Maybe its moving to a new city, going back to college, getting a new job, restoring broken relationships. Whatever the case maybe, Jen mentions, “part of the task is going without knowing…if you go wherever God says and when, expect to be misunderstood. And go anyway” Oftentimes, we are waiting on the approval from too many people to just leap when we know in our gut that is what we are supposed to do. No one said leaping would be easy. No one said the next steps would be painted in the sky but wouldn’t we spoil everything if we knew it all? Most of the time we don’t need all the details.

 Interrupted describes a crossroad that many people, including myself, are at. Are you ready for a radical life-transforming adventure? If you are, maybe your heart is open to allowing God to interrupt life and church, as you know it. Interrupted gives you the permission to wrestle and the permission to evaluate your world. You can’t get through this book without feeling, inspired, challenged, and broken for the least. You also can’t read this book and expect to stay stagnant and not call into question life as you know it. If I assume correctly, we have all been challenged to allow God to interrupt our life but maybe fear, doubt, or worry have kept us from fully diving in. Either way, we must do it. We must make a conscious effort to be all in.

Jen’s approach is fun, relatable, and humble. While reading her book you feel as if you on a coffee date catching up on months of time that has passed and you just get to listen to this deep transformation that has taken place in her life. Through this story you leave inspired to love better, be more informed about your community, and allow God to interrupt you. Truth is, if I cam so consumed with serving God the way I want to, whose kingdom am I really building-his kingdom or my own? Comfortable Christianity won’t cut it anymore.

I have never been in a place of such humility and brokenness until recently. I have never felt more vibrant, awake, and passionate about His kingdom before. I have layed my service schedule down and I have decided to follow his lead. I’ve been inspired, challenged, and interrupted.

Get the book, you won’t regret it.

signature-wordpress

 

 

ABOUT JEN HATMAKER:

Jen Hatmaker is the author of 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess and A Modern Girl’s Bible Study series. With a heart for her generation, she speaks at conferences around the country. Jen resides in Austin, Texas, with her husband, Brandon, and their five children. To learn more about Jen and follow her blog, go to www.jenhatmaker.com.

Style by Thrift

image (1)

Okay if you know me well, you know that I love getting a good deal. I bargain shop all the time. In fact about 90% of my clothes are from the thrift store. I love walking out of the store with a bag full of stuff knowing that I scored.

Simple steps that I use when thrifting:
  1. Find a good thrift store that carries quality clothing. For me, in the Houston area there are several Family Thrift Center's (FTC) and all of them carry name brands. Go to Family Thrift Center to find a location near you!  Some of my other favorite places include: goodwill, salvation army, & plato's closet.
  2. Have an idea of what you are looking for, this will help looking through the clothes not feel so overwhelming. (At FTC, they have the clothes organized by color and type clothing, such as: t-shirt, blouse, tank top, pants, jeans, etc.)
  3. Be patient. Expect to Shop for about an hour or more. Stay committed to looking around and seeing what they have. It can be chaotic in the thrift store but to me the results and bargains are worth it.
  4. Find a Family Thrift Outlet Store!!!! I literally bought 26 items for like $30 bucks. I am talking cute and trendy stuff!!! $1.75 Thursday, $1.50 Friday, $1.25 Saturday, $1.00 Sunday, Monday $.75, $.50 Tuesday, and $.25 Wednesday- these are the prices for everything in the store.  The only catch is there is no changing room there so just be sure to know your size.

Then end result is getting trendy clothing and looking amazing for cheap. No offense to mainstream clothing stores but I would rather spend my money elsewhere than use it all on a $100 dress or pair of jeans. My only exceptions for expensive purchases are for underwear and purses (A girl needs a good handbag, You know?).

 I hope that helps you all some.

Here are some of the items I have recently scored at the thrift store:

I got this skirt and belt from Family Thrift.
I got this skirt and belt from Family Thrift.
I love these polka dot pants.
I love these polka dot pants.
I have been waiting a while to find some overalls that I like and here they are!
I have been waiting a while to find some overalls that I like and here they are! This whole outfit is from the thrift store: Headband, white shirt with hood attached to it, and the chucks (I got them a few years ago).

Happy Thrifting people and remember that you can be styled pretty for less.

XOXO

signature-wordpress

Dear Mike Brown

I never knew you but I know of you now. Unfortunately, the circumstances by which I have come to know your name are tragic. You lost your life. While I don’t know the whole story or if you were in the wrong or right, I feel for your family. Your mother, her grief and her pain, I can’t imagine the pain she feels. I did read that she worked hard to get you to finish school and graduate and make something of yourself.

I see my brother in you because he too is an African-American male and it seems that tragedy continues to strike young men in the African-American community that are unarmed. I will never be able to understand this. Somedays, it feels like all black men are portrayed as the enemy or as hoodlums that will rob you. Not every black man is doing what is right but the way society views black men is negative and that is evident from all of these shootings, where justice has yet to be truly served. 

Mike, you will stand as a constant reminder of the fact that we live in a fallen world. Tragedy strikes everyday. Sometimes justice is not granted. Lives are lost. Violent shootings happen all too often. During times like this people try to cling to some type of hope. Any hope really. Honestly, Mike, I have all my hope in God otherwise I would be fearful for my life and my brothers life. This greater hope keeps me grounded and praying daily for protection for myself and my family. 

I hope they will get to the bottom of this situation and honor your memory. Whatever the facts may be, you deserved to start college this morning and change your life for the better. You deserved a chance. 

Friends, lets stand with Mike and his family in a peaceful manner and not add to the chaos surrounding a tragic situation. Mike’s memory deserves to be treasured. 

Trayvon Martin, Oscar Grant and now Mike Brown are household names because of their tragic deaths. Sadly, they are ones widely known, many other’s have died due to fatal shootings. Lets rally together, people of all races, to pray for peace in the midst of this tragedy. 

It’s during times like this I wish Martin Luther King, Jr. was still alive.

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

____________________________________________________________________________________

{Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, There shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone.You shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent shall you trample underfoot. Psalm 91:9-13}

XOXO

signature-wordpress

 
 

 

I Didn’t Run Away

In jr. high I had a conflict with this girl at church. There was so much drama surrounding it. I hated it. I hated facing my “giants” as my mom would call it. If an issue has occurred with someone, I would rather go away, take some time off, or not see them anymore. My mom used to let me sneak away for little trips to get away until she realized I was avoiding the people that hurt me. So she stopped letting me run away and taught me to stand firm. This was so hard for me. Didn’t she understand that I had been wronged and I did not want to see these people EVER again? She understood alright, she knew if I let fear take root in my heart, I would not be able to face bigger “giants” in the years to come. 

Fast forward to now, I have had a huge giant to face. As much as I’ve tried to hold my feelings and emotions at bay- they were real and very raw. I tried to avoid any and all confrontation. I can handle confrontation if I have to but I never go looking for it, especially when it relates to me. I am a lover of people, if you are in my family or my close friend, I am loyal to the death. That is just who I am. I passionately love people. This is a great character trait but it also makes me really vulnerable to being hurt. No one really enjoy’s feeling pain. It sucks. 

I had two options: show up and stay present or drop out all together. I decided to show up, even though I was dragging my feet to the starting line, I made it with tears in my eyes. I started running with tears falling and decided to lift others up along the way. As I reached the finish line, I was able to look back and see that I faced my “GIANTS” and I faced them with kindness, love, and generosity. I did it because while I was running, others were running with me and cheering me on. I did not retreat to my bedroom at home or read a book- my people would not allow me to do that. I showed up ready to face my fears. Ready to forgive those who hurt me and love them. 

I was able to do it. This was such a huge moment for me. It was a win in my book. It meant that I conquered another area where I was fearful. I learned what keeps me from addressing my fears is me. I can be my own worst enemy. So now instead of believing that I cannot keep going or that I need to avoid pain at all cost, I keep showing up to the starting line. If I start with dry eyes or with tears, I will start. If I finish with my feet hurting, body in pain, or my breathing heavy, I will still finish. I won’t let my pain keep me from showing up and living my life. I will keep running and I will not stop.

Lastly, this past week I had the honor of leading an amazing group of girls at Lakewood Youth Summer Camp 2014. It was such an amazing experience. Our dance parties were intense and full of fun. I’ve never danced that hard for Jesus before. It was a marking week for me and I am so glad I went. Getting to baptize my life group girls was such an amazing experience for me. I will forever remember that moment. 

Moral of the story here: Don’t let pain keep you silent, still, or stagnant. Keep moving. You will be glad you did.